Let’s Talk, Sport

When it’s football based chat that I crave

I turn my radio to crackly medium wave.

I don’t like the presenters on Radio Five

so it’s on 1089 that I often arrive

and find myself listening along to TalkSPORT

where Big Al’s drinking champers, by the pint or the quart.

He’s joined by Irani, who’s useless and thick,

it seems the Programme Controller’s a bit of a d*ck.

This is only banter, don’t worry bout that,

I’m giving him pelters, it’s well-meaning chat.

After Brazil there’s a man called Porky,

paired with a footballer doing news-based talky.

In the afternoon it’s back to football,

having a laugh with Andy and Paul.

They’ve got guests and games and Clips of the Week,

before Adrian Durham, who’s a bit of a geek.

His mate’s worse than Irani, he’s called Darren Gough,

I often wish that he’d just bog off

cos he knows nowt about football and just talks sh*te.

Put Alvin Martin on and the show’s be alright.

Sometimes you hear the latest books that they’re all flogging.

Listen to see is any presenter’s been dogging.

The brightest of lights is called Danny Kelly,

he should be on more, or even on telly.

The station’s such a waste, it breaks my heart,

to think how good it could be if the cricketers depart